Remembering

For those of you who follow this blog or know my cancer journey, you are aware that I had discovered a lump and some cysts during the last week of August last year.  I don’t know why, but I was thinking about that time this week.  It’s amazing what you remember!  I had gone out of town that weekend to spend time with my family.  Since we were praying that it was only an infection and we didn’t want to cause unnecessary anxiety for my nieces or other family members we didn’t discuss the possibilities or really the situation much that weekend.  When I left my family last Labor Day to make the 2 hour drive home, I remember spending a good portion of that drive talking to God.  One of the biggest things I kept saying to God was that I couldn’t handle another cancer diagnosis.  I didn’t just stop at that, I went on to tell Him the reasons why: I was tired, I didn’t have the strength for another battle, I would have to miss days of work…again, I couldn’t do it by myself, and the list went on.  They were all reasons that I couldn’t do it.  Well, we all know how that ended for me! 

 

It isn’t always easy to remember, but it is beneficial.  If you look at scripture, God is always calling His people to remembrance.  I was reminded of the passage from Joshua 4 when the Israelites crossed over the Jordan.  God had instructed Joshua to stack 12 stones from the Jordan as a memorial.  In verses 21-24 Joshua explained the purpose of those stones.  The purpose was to be a symbol of remembrance that God had allowed them to cross the Jordan on dry land.  We may not have tangible stones of remembrance, but I believe God allows us to remember things so we can see clearly what He has done for us.

 

As I thought about it this week, I took a moment to step back and look at the year from beginning to end.  It’s amazing what God can do when we trust Him and stop focusing on our own weaknesses and insecurities.  The truth was that I didn’t have strength for another battle, but God had the strength to carry me through that battle.  I did miss work, and eventually lost my job.  Losing my job was a crushing blow because it was a big part of how I identified myself.  God was using the past two years to position me for a different calling and I wouldn’t have been open to it had I not been in a position where that identity was stripped from me.  I had my income reduced, and expenses increased; but God has provided for every need.  While there were lonely times, I was never alone. 

 

While remembering can sometimes be painful, it’s always necessary to keep us moving forward.  When we remember clearly how God carried us through a difficult situation or time in our lives, it is a lot easier for us to trust Him to do the same the next time we face difficulties.