An Update...FINALLY!!!!

I know it's been a while since I've updated the blog. It's been hard to find words to express how I'm feeling & what I'm going through at times. With that being said, I'll update on my progress thus far. 

Surgery day came and I was ready to just get the show on the road. I was so blessed to have an amazing operating room nurse! She looked a little like Lucille Ball and was so sweet! She told me how beautiful I was from the time she started wheeling me down the hall to the operating room until we made it into the room! Keep in mind, I'm in a hospital gown, hair net & have ABSOLUTELY NO make-up on my face...she's either sweet or incredibly delusional! Since she was my "bodyguard" while I was unconscious, I choose incredibly sweet! :) I don't remember much about that day except somewhere in the fog of the anesthesia wearing off I remember hearing an announcement over the PA system at the hospital stating visitor hours were over. It wasn't until the next day that I realized I was under far longer than anticipated. There were no complications, my surgeon just wanted to take his time & make sure everything was perfect.

Day 2 - I woke up that morning & thought, "What was I thinking having them take my back muscles?!" I won't lie, it was painful! You don't realize how much you use those muscles until they aren't there! My mom was really quick to remind me that when I see the end result I'll be so much happier that I did go with this option. Now keep in mind that I've been in the anesthesia fog & haven't a clue what anything under the gown looks like...until my surgeon comes for rounds. If you remember from my last blog, I was expecting to be flat-chested...I was not & I'm still not flat-chested. SHOCKING revelation there, but I was in lala land between the anesthesia & the pump of whatever pain killer they had me on so this revelation wasn't as shocking to me that day ad it was later. Not much info my surgeon shared with me that day shocked me, except 2 pieces of instruction... 1) I could not shave under my arms until the 4 drain tubes were removed, which could be 4-6 weeks later AND 2) I would not be able to wear my high heels for a while because of balancing issues. The shaving thing really bugged me because I'm a little OCD about it & I'm not one who is longing for the European look or smell! The shoes I felt I could handle a little easier since I wasn't feeling the whole walking around business much at that point & knew I'd be out of commission for a while. However, these 2 pieces of info got a shocked response out of me! 

On the 3rd day, my surgeon let me go home. I convinced him that I would rest much better at home. Honestly, there isn't much resting happening when you have a hard time getting comfortable because you've been cut front & back, you've got tubes  coming out of you, and you're bruised from the whole business of them flipping you during surgery. The rest came in spurts & I took it as it came. 

A week after surgery I went for all my follow-up appointments. First up, the breast surgeon...they gave me the final lab results & the cancer had NOT spread to any lymph nodes! This was a huge answer to prayer! I had been stressed about the cancer spreading after my initial visit with the oncologist. I can't remember if I've shared this or not, but I have what is referred to as triple negative breast cancer. This type is not hormone fed & it is most likely to spread. Without chemo treatment, 1 in 3 women die from this type of breast cancer. Hearing that type of statistic will scare you! After hearing they got everything, I left that appointment & just breathed a sigh of relief! My second stop that week was the plastic surgeon. Everything was healing beautifully & I had better range of motion than most of his patients after 2 weeks (I may be a little bit of an overachiever)! BUT, with all the healing there was a slight problem...I had an allergic reaction to all the bandages & glue used to put humpty dumpty back together again. So a week out & all bandages have to come off! I'm put on Benadryl & another round of antibiotics. Once the bandages were off, things started improving on the healing & comfort sides. 

After that first week, it's just been a lot of me resting & being carted to and from Dr. appointments by friends since I was unable to drive until about week 5...and only now in week 7 is it starting to feel extremely comfortable. My plastic surgeon has been the primary doctor on this journey up until chemo treatments, and he allowed me to go out of town for Christmas. It was good to get away because when I came back I hit the ground running with all sorts of appointments. There were so many things that had to be done prior to starting chemo. I had to visit the cardiologist to have my heart checked out, go to chemo class to hear everything that may happen to me on the treatments, and have my port placement done. On January 5th I went in to have my port placed, so I could begin chemo on the 10th. They were careful to not use latex, but used my old friend dermabond to seal up the wounds. I was more stressed about the fact that I was starting chemo in 5 days than to think about the allergic reaction I was having to the dermabond. I was so stressed about chemo that I was physically sick for 3 days leading up to the treatment day! I hadn't noticed the severe rash I had developed from the dermabond because when I looked at the port site all I saw was bruising! When we (me & my chemo buddy & friend, Ashlee) get back to the room the nurse basically tells us she doesn't know if I can get treatment that day, but the final word would come from my nurse practitioner. Well, she came & the answer was, "No chemo for you...today!" I was deflated. I had psyched myself up for treatment & then I couldn't get it...all because of a stupid allergic reaction! They wanted to give it a week to heal & sent me on my way. 

So, here I am the night before my 1st chemo treatment. The rash is gone, which I'm confident is all because of the power of prayer.  A lot of people have asked why I have to have chemo since the cancer hadn't spread & they were able to get it all. The answer: 1) I have triple negative breast cancer & this is my best chance at survival! The odds without chemo are scary, but there's a flip side to it...triple negative breast cancer is MOST receptive to chemo!  So, if I have to lose my hair & my eyebrows (praying not) for several months in order to live a long & healthy life, I'll take it! 2) I'm 35 & have breast cancer...they treat aggressively when you're this young! I don't feel nearly as stressed about the treatment as I did last week. I'm still not quite sure what to expect, but I'm ready to get this thing started! I'm sure Ashlee and I will find something to laugh about (as usual) and get laughs & stares out of other patients, family members, & office staff. I'll be the first to admit that the cancer journey can send you on an emotional roller coaster. While I think every emotion is a valid & necessary part of the process, I don't dwell in the dark places long. I find scripture or songs that encourage me to keep fighting & not lose hope & when necessary I reach out to those around me that I can trust with my feelings & are walking with me on this journey. So, while I haven't a clue about what this 1st treatment will be like for me, I hope that Ashlee & I find something to laugh about & bring smiles & offer encouragement to those around us...if nothing else we are entertaining! :)

Caught in a Whirlwind

The past 3 weeks have been a whirlwind of doctor’s appointments, test results, and surgery scheduling. I’ll try to update on those 3 things in order of occurrence.

Once I decided that a double mastectomy and reconstruction was the route I wanted to take, an appointment was made for me with a plastic surgeon. I had some unrealistic expectations going into this appointment. In my mind I had convinced myself that I would go in for surgery and have the boobs that are trying to kill me removed, and walk out with my new fake set…not so much! As I quickly learned, the day of surgery I will have an expander placed under each pectoral muscle and will have to go through a process to stretch the muscles to support the implants. When I say a process, I’m talking approximately 3 months AND another surgery before I get the implants. The thought of being flat-chested has caused a lot of anxiety. I have not been flat-chested since I was 10! It’s so weird how you don’t really notice individual parts of your body until they are taken from you. And maybe it’s a woman thing…you are losing something that identifies you as a woman…I don’t know.

I had prayed about the decision for treatment and really felt like God was leading toward the double mastectomy. I don’t know why we do, but we always want more confirmation from God that we really are making the right decision…I definitely wanted extra confirmation on this decision (especially after hearing I was not walking out of the operating room ready to go)! As I mentioned in my last update, I had some genetic testing done. They were testing to see if I had BRCA1 or BRCA2 or more commonly known as “the breast cancer gene”. Well, it turns out I do have BRCA2. This little gene mutation increases my chances of breast cancer, ovarian cancer, and a few other things. The two which present the greatest concern are breast and ovarian cancer. What does this mean for me? Well, in regards to the breast cancer, should I only have a lumpectomy or single mastectomy I would have increased chances of reoccurrence. SO, this confirmed my decision to have the double mastectomy….not quite the confirmation I wanted, but you know I asked for confirmation and God gave it! In regards to the ovarian cancer chances, I also now have to think about having my ovaries removed. Not a really easy thing to deal with when you are single and have no kids & having your ovaries removed takes those chances away. However, I also know that having BRCA2 means I could pass it on to my child (50/50 chance) and I wouldn’t want to knowingly pass this on to a kid. The ovary removal is obviously not at the forefront of my thoughts, but it is there and will be dealt after I’ve kicked the cancer!

So, with me ready to move forward with surgery it was time to get a date scheduled. So, November 30th I will be going in to have a double mastectomy and latissimus dorsi flap reconstruction. For the reconstruction they will be taking muscles from my back and moving them to my chest to give extra support. They will also insert an expander under my pectorals. Beginning two weeks after surgery, I will go once a week to have saline injected into the expander until I we have stretched it to the desired size (approximately 9 weeks). I like to view this as puberty ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!

I’m quickly learning that there is nothing quick about the cancer journey. I’m so thankful for the love and support I’ve been shown over the last several weeks. I have heard countless times from people around me how well I’m handling all of this. I KNOW it is God who is giving me strength when I have none on my own. None of this caught God by surprise, and I’m convinced He has a plan and a purpose for me going through this and I’m just going to trust. As one of my friends said to me the other day, “Some moments you have to just reach out and say, ‘Blessed Jesus, hold my hand!’”